The Affordable Bubble Wrap Act of 2016

With the rising healthcare costs due to childhood accidents and obesity, as well as teen pregnancy and STD’s, we need to be creative in solving our problems. Our organization known as Mothers Obsessed with Broken Bones (MOBB) has spent years researching solutions. Today, we believe that we have found the answer to these problems.
Our solution is called the Affordable Bubble Wrap Act of 2016. This bill before congress will make bubble wrap suits available to all children under the age of 18. For children who are accident prone and at risk their benefits may be extended until the age of 26.

By wrapping all of our children in bubble wrap, we will decrease the emergency room visits by 50% at a savings of $100 billion to the parents and taxpayers. Along with eliminating needless injuries and broken bones, our bubble wrap suits have the added benefit of causing children to sweat and lose weight. In our studies, we found a decrease in the incidents of childhood obesity by 40%. While playing their favorite video games, they will be sweating their butts off.

Accepting the fact that we can’t stop teenagers from having sex, we made a modification in the suits for teenage girls. With a built in condom, they will always have safe sex. Our test group showed a 75% reduction in teen pregnancies and STD’s. I know what you are thinking. What will happen to all of our teenage pregnancy reality shows? As hard as it is to think of our world without these shows, we believe that this is a sacrifice that we must make for the greater good.

If you are not sold yet, we have additional advantages for the American people. First, the bubble wrap suits will be American made. We will hire the unemployed factory workers to make the bubble wrap suits and strengthen the US economy.

Another advantage of the suit is called “The Peace Keeper.” For a nominal fee, this option specially alters the head section to create a gag in the mouth of your teenager. It is perfect for all those times when you need to save them from their inability to remain silent.

Future additions to the Affordable Bubble Wrap Act of 2016 may include suits for the elderly. Studies have shown that we can reduce Medicare by bubble wrapping senior citizens. Eliminating broken hips alone saves the tax payers $7 billion annually.

Given all of these advantages, we can no longer continue going through each day hoping the daily routine brings them home safe and sound. We must now call our congressmen and demand that they bubble wrap our children. We need to get out the picket signs and show them how much this Affordable Bubble Wrap Act of 2016 means to us! We are calling all mothers to our “Million Mom March” to Washington, DC.

This message has been sponsored by Mothers Obsessed with Broken Bones (MOBB).