I’m Suing Punxsutawney Phil

This is no joke! I’m suing Punxsutawney Phil! He had the chance to end winter this week, but he extended it for 6 more weeks. If he thinks that he can get away with it, he has another thing coming. For years he has acted with impunity, but enough is enough! Because of his negligence, I fell on the ice today. And, my personal injury lawyers Do, We, Screw, Them and How said that I have a case. First, we are suing him for pain and suffering. I banged up my knees and bruised my hands and side. Next, we are suing for mental anguish and post-traumatic stress disorder. I can’t even drink a glass of ice water without panicking. I don’t care if we have to attach his wages for the next 50 years. That little groundhog needs to be taught a lesson. You think you’re afraid of your shadow Punxsutawney Phil. You haven’t met my lawyers yet. If you have been a victim of this heinous creature and you want to join our class action suit, please comment on my blog. My lawyers will be in touch.

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